Delphi

I think I was talking about the Belknaps.

The Whittingham Drive ones. And how “typical” they are as Delphites.

You’ll have to forgive me. Ever since the stroke, I tend to wander off on tangents whenever I’m talking about something. Stray thoughts pop into my head and then I start talking about them and that makes me think of something else entirely. And then before I know it, I’ve lost track of my original point.

Getting old really stinks sometimes.

Anyway, the Belknaps.

Someone asked me the other day to describe a “typical” Delphi family. Now, of course, there is no such thing. It would be a gross, over-generalized stereotype to pick out just one family and say: Bingo! They’re it.

But, I have to say, the Belknaps popped into my mind right off the bat.

Aside from living in a large house and all. A large house that they have added onto and all, I mean.

Dr. Belknap – Don, to his friends and family -- is an orthopedic surgeon. Dartmouth, Johns Hopkins, the whole nine yards. Missy, his wife, who is actually two years older than her husband but hides it with hair coloring and regular Botox treatments, is a recovering lawyer. Once she had her four kids -- boom, boom, boom, and oops! -- she decided to be a stay-at-home mom. But she does legal consulting on the side. In her spare time. For charities. When she is not busy trying to be the club champion in tennis, paddle tennis, or golf. She also does something really important on the PTA and in the Junior League. Volunteers at the local arts center and is on the board of the local public library. Sings in the choir at St. John’s, the dominant Episcopalian church in town. Gardens. Bakes. And knits scarves for people with cancer. Since she leads such a stressful, high-paced suburban soccer mom life (and, yes, all four of her children play soccer, one on a traveling team in addition to school, three for school, and the youngest for the Delphi Area Youth Soccer League), she goes to get deep body -- alternated with hot stone -- massages at one of the local spas that Delphi sports like most towns sport hardware stores or dry cleaners.

Sigh.

I know, I know. You think I am exaggerating. That this family does not really exist.

Well, you would be wrong.

The Belknaps exist all right, and if they were to read this, they would be peeved. Not because I have in any way slandered them, but rather because I’ve probably inadvertently left out something vital and important.

Are they a happy family? you ask.

Now, I ask you: why on earth would that be important?

They’re so busy morning, noon, and night, contributing to the universe at which they are the center, that they would never know if they were happy or not!

No time to think, no time to reflect, but time for Pilates and yoga and Scouts and piano lessons and voice and dance and tumbling, oh, my!

They give. Generously.

And for tax deductions.

They drive a Hummer, a Cadillac Escalade, and an Audi.

They tend to vote. They are really big environmentalists. They send money to the Sierra Club and recycle cans and bottles and plastic. Never mind that the rules in Delphi say you have to. They recycle their Christmas tree.

They think AIDS should be eliminated. Walk for diabetes and run for breast cancer and multiple sclerosis. They have cable TV, a plasma TV for the family room, TVs in the kitchen, the work out room, and every bedroom; wireless cable Internet and five computers, which are all networked; and two phone lines, one for the parents and one for the kids. Everyone has his or her own cell phone. They also have a vanilla lab named Sandy, a cat named Geronimo, and a cleaning lady named Lupita.

I could go on, but I’ve about worn myself out.

And I think you probably get my point.

You either want to know more about this charming little village and its quirky, non-poor, hyperactive inhabitants, or else you are running, screaming for your life!