Stars and Stripes Forever

What do mattresses have to do with the 4th of July?

I am just curious.

As I don’t get the connection.

Every time I turn on the radio or TV, I am greeted by raucous mattress sale commercials:

“Blowout Mattress Sale!”

“Independence Day Long Weekend Plus an Extra Day or Two on Either End Mattress Discount! Buy Now!”

“Lowest Prices of the Summer!”

“Be Patriotic! Buy a Mattress!”

“Now!”

“Mattress Discount Warehouse Extravaganza Prices Sizzle!”

“Get off your Ass and Onto your Back with a New 4th of July Super Cheap Almost Free Mattress!”

“Celebrate America’s Birthday with a Bargain Mattress!”

“Red, White, and Blue! There’s a Mattress Here for You!”

“Free Illegal Fireworks with Your New Serta Extra Firm Mattress! Queen, King, and Twin! All Mattresses Must Go!”

I could go on.

Am I the only one who sees absolutely no connection whatsoever between the 4th of July and mattresses?

The 4th of July makes me think of red, white, and blue and flags and parades and picnics and fireworks. The Boston Pops playing John Philip Sousa.

Mattresses make me think of sleep. And sex. And the fact that I am supposed to rotate my mattress every few months but I never, ever do. And verily this will come back to haunt me one day.

The Founding Fathers did not think about mattresses. They were too busy thinking about freedom and independence and no taxation without representation.

It was life, liberty, and the pursuit of HAPPINESS. Not pursuit of a MATTRESS!

“Give me liberty or give me death!”

Not a Sealy, Simmons, Stearns Foster, Serta, or Tempurpedic.

I don’t know what this country is coming to. I know that I, for one, will not be spending this weekend and our nation’s birthday mattress shopping.

Although, now that I think of it, I do need some new mattresses for my kids’ beds.

And they are the lowest prices of the summer….