I'm baaaaaaaaack!

I see that Ms. Gray Stockings has not even noticed my surreptitious, yet in-broad-daylight arrival.

Don't worry.

I would venture a guess that she won't notice for some time to come.

So.... sigh...

Let's see....

Where to begin?

I could talk about the current book I am reading. The last book I read. The most recent movie I saw. The movie I most wanna see. Songs that I am listening to. Meals that I have eaten, cooked, or wanna cook. My thoughts on fashion. Politics. World events. The economy. Religion. The weather. Sports. Poetry. The blotter report in our weekly local rag. TV. Michael Jackson. Health care. Travel plans. Vacation hot spots. Good deals on used cars. The price of tea in China.

There are so many things to choose from.....

Makes me wonder why Ms. Golf Sierra has been so derelict in posting to her blog. There is simply so much to write about!

I have thoughts about... oh, so many things!

I think I will just start from the first thing that comes to my mind.

Which would be cooking.

Someone recently told me this most amazing story about how when they were at a summer family reunion in the wilds of Vermont or New Hampshire (sorry, I always get those two states mixed up), her husband got annoyed with a porcupine that was gnawing on their cabin wall at two in the morning and blasted it to high heaven with a sawed-off shotgun. He then proceeded to skin it and dress it or prepare it or whatever one does with a dead animal and... I kid you not!... cook it up in the crock pot.

This thing cooked all day long in the crock pot. Filling the cabin with that lovely aroma of stewing porcupine, I would imagine. An odor I doubt any Glad air freshner could ever negate! (It makes me want to smear Vick's Vapo-Rub under my nose as I write this.)

Anyway, while my friend did not sample the cooked porcupine, she said all her relatives and distant relatives were lining up, out the cabin door, just to get a taste.

I asked her how her husband even knew (let alone thought of) how to cook a porcupine. According to her, there is a recipe in The Joy of Cooking cookbook for porcupine.

Well, I have a Joy of Cooking, and you know what?

She's right. On page 515 of the 1984 edition of Joy of Cooking, there is, indeed, a recipe for porcupine:

Skin by hanging back legs from hooks. Remove kernels in small of back and under forelegs. Hang in a cool dry place 48 hours. Soak overnight refrigerated in salted water:
1 porcupine
In the morning, bring the water to a boil. Drain and immerse porcupine again in cold water. Bring to a boil and drain again. Place the meat in a Dutch oven. Add:
3 cups water or light stock
1 rib celery, chopped
1 sliced medium-sized onion
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tsp salt
Simmer until tender, about 2 1/2 hours

OK. Now, why am I thinking it should be more like 2 1/2 DAYS?????

And I still wouldn't be touching it.

I can see why he opted for a crockpot, though. You could just throw the porcupine in on low and go about your business all day, doing meaningful activities, like repairing that giant hole you made in the cabin door when you shot the porcupine with a sawed-off shotgun, for instance.

And in case you were wondering -- or could not find adequate recipes on the Food Network website -- the Joy of Cooking also has recipes for squirrel, oppossum, raccoon, muskrat, woodchuck, beaver, beaver tail ("To Indians and settlers alike, this portion of the animal was considered the greatest"), and armadillo.

Boy, howdie!

Why, this could be a roadkill chef's dream come true.

So, the next time you pass a carcass on the Farmer to Market road -- or in your cul de sac, remember that the Joy of Cooking (aka "The All-Purpose Cookbook") could be the answer to that never-ending question...

"What's for dinner?"