Rad
Boo said it was really important for us to come up with a really good name for our underground subversion group. He said all subversive groups had cool nicknames.
“It needs to be an anacronym. You know… just letters.”
“You mean, an acronym?”
“Yeah, whatever. Like NATO or AIDS. Or NBC.”
“O.K. Any ideas?”
“I dunno. Something like MOB. Y’know, ‘Moms Opposed to Bush.’ My mom was in that – I think she only did it because she knew it would piss off my dad. Which it did. He just about had cardiac arrest. He said it was a disgrace, that all Hoovers vote for Republicans. No matter what. He said he was going to start up his own group – FAKE.”
“FAKE? What’s that stand for?”
“Fathers Against Kerry Edwards.” Boo snorted. “I thought that was pretty freakin’ funny!”
“Well, did he start it?”
Boo gave me this look like I was a moron. “Noooo. It was like a joke. Hello!”
I ignored him. “So, what are we going to call ourselves… Moms Against the Horn? Hey, what is that… MATH? I kinda like that.”
“Don’t be a dork!” Boo said. “We’re not moms.
“OK. Kids Against the Horn?”
“What? KATH? Christ, that’s a fucking girl’s name! Just be a dweeb dork, why don’t ya?”
“Boys Against the Horn?”
“BATH? Are you nutso? I hate taking a bath.”
“All right, Mr. Axe.” (Axe is this body spray for men. It comes in different scents, like Typhoon and Phoenix. My mom thinks it stinks. I told her, all the guys I know use it. Hell, the entire Middle School hallway smells like Axe. She said it was just a way for teen boys to cover up their obnoxious B.O. without ever having to take a shower. I told her that the ladies really liked it. She looked at me for like a really long time with that whole weird stewing parental stare thing and said, “Well, then it must have pheromones in it.” I’m not sure exactly what pheromones are, but I think it has something to do with sex.)
“I know, I know! We can still be MATH. But it will be… MEN Against the Horn.”
“Men Against the Horn. Yeah, I like that. MATH.”
“Me, too. It’s very… manly.”
“And it can be our cover,” I said.
“Huh?”
“Don’t you get it? MATH? Math? Whenever we have a meeting for MATH, we can just say we have to go do our… ‘math homework.’ Get it? MATH homework?”
“And when we’re planning something big, it will be a ‘math test.’ Yeah, I like it. You’re pretty smart for a numbnuts.”
“And when we pull down the horn, it will be our… ‘math final.’ Final. The end. Kaput. Get it? Math final?”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“Men Against the Horn, unite!” I cried, and Boo and I gave each other a high five.
Yeah, man. Definitely.
MATH rules!
“It needs to be an anacronym. You know… just letters.”
“You mean, an acronym?”
“Yeah, whatever. Like NATO or AIDS. Or NBC.”
“O.K. Any ideas?”
“I dunno. Something like MOB. Y’know, ‘Moms Opposed to Bush.’ My mom was in that – I think she only did it because she knew it would piss off my dad. Which it did. He just about had cardiac arrest. He said it was a disgrace, that all Hoovers vote for Republicans. No matter what. He said he was going to start up his own group – FAKE.”
“FAKE? What’s that stand for?”
“Fathers Against Kerry Edwards.” Boo snorted. “I thought that was pretty freakin’ funny!”
“Well, did he start it?”
Boo gave me this look like I was a moron. “Noooo. It was like a joke. Hello!”
I ignored him. “So, what are we going to call ourselves… Moms Against the Horn? Hey, what is that… MATH? I kinda like that.”
“Don’t be a dork!” Boo said. “We’re not moms.
“OK. Kids Against the Horn?”
“What? KATH? Christ, that’s a fucking girl’s name! Just be a dweeb dork, why don’t ya?”
“Boys Against the Horn?”
“BATH? Are you nutso? I hate taking a bath.”
“All right, Mr. Axe.” (Axe is this body spray for men. It comes in different scents, like Typhoon and Phoenix. My mom thinks it stinks. I told her, all the guys I know use it. Hell, the entire Middle School hallway smells like Axe. She said it was just a way for teen boys to cover up their obnoxious B.O. without ever having to take a shower. I told her that the ladies really liked it. She looked at me for like a really long time with that whole weird stewing parental stare thing and said, “Well, then it must have pheromones in it.” I’m not sure exactly what pheromones are, but I think it has something to do with sex.)
“I know, I know! We can still be MATH. But it will be… MEN Against the Horn.”
“Men Against the Horn. Yeah, I like that. MATH.”
“Me, too. It’s very… manly.”
“And it can be our cover,” I said.
“Huh?”
“Don’t you get it? MATH? Math? Whenever we have a meeting for MATH, we can just say we have to go do our… ‘math homework.’ Get it? MATH homework?”
“And when we’re planning something big, it will be a ‘math test.’ Yeah, I like it. You’re pretty smart for a numbnuts.”
“And when we pull down the horn, it will be our… ‘math final.’ Final. The end. Kaput. Get it? Math final?”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“Men Against the Horn, unite!” I cried, and Boo and I gave each other a high five.
Yeah, man. Definitely.
MATH rules!
posted by delta at 8:30 PM
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